MY SPECIAL MEMORIES
Author : LYN

there are some memories
that will stay with me forever
not necessarily the biggest things
or the most important things
but ones that meant a lot to me
and make me smile when i think of them

these are some good memories
im sure we all have some memories we would like to forget
but i dont want to dwell on them
i want to remember the good times
the happy times
the times that make me smile
the times when my heart was happy
the times that i will remember forever
these are my happy memories
my special memories
my memories

these are not in any particular order
the first is not better than the last
or vice versa
just the order in which i remember them
is the way i listed them
so here goes

i remember 4th of july 2003 when we drove up to old forge
for the fireworks
walked around the town
booked a dinner cruise for the next day
drove around looking for a motel room
drove all the way to boonville before we found one
and then drove back to old forge the next day
and went on the dinner cruise
it was so nice
cruising the 1000 islands
just you and me
and then having dinner on the boat
that whole weekend brings me great memories
and makes me smile
whenever i remember it

going to the fall festival in candor
on columbus day weekend in 2003
that was fun
we just looked for a place to go
from your part of the state
and found candor on the list
and drove there
thinking it was all done
we almost left
but then found the festival
it was really fun
loved the nursery rhyme jack o lanterns
and walked around
and the weather was perfect
and the company was perfect
and the whole day was perfect
and makes me smile each time i think of it

going to nyc on our first vacation ever was special
going to wp to meet you and driving from there
on what a damp rainy dark night
but you did a great job driving
and we were both so excited to be going
and spending our first vacation alone
nyc was great all the things we did
walking around
taking the buggy ride around time square was so fun and holding your hand in the carriage you were so nervous
eating at hard rock and planet hollywood
going back to the hotel room to watch the giants first game
and almost missing it
taking the ferry to staten island
that was an experience
walking around while they were spraying for west nile
oh that was an experience we will never be the same
why didnt we change when we got back the the room
i think we were so enraptured with each other nothing else mattered
the first vacation of many brings a smile to my heart
whenever i remember it

a memory that makes me smile always is seeing you and i in the car
driving around
driving to somewhere
driving from somewhere
driving just to drive
i see us
in my head and my heart
talking
holding hands
me with my hands in your hair
sometimes fooling around
i see us in the car
mine or yours
just us
for hours
for miles
in the light
or the dark
to a destination
or not
but seeing us in the car
warms my heart

our very first date
at sylvan beach
meeting you at the thruway
driving to the casino parking lot
you getting in my laser
with your cigarettes
and me driving you to sylvan beach
and getting lost
and being so nervous
and worrying
but you took it all in stride
and that felt good to me
walking around sylvan beach
going to eat
you reached to try my food from my plate
and i thought oh thats cool
and you gave me one from your plate
and we talked and really enjoyed each others company
and you had on that shirt, the white one with the blue sleeves
that is one of your favorites
and i had on my carhartt jean shorts and my tigger polo shirt
and i really liked the way you looked
and i hoped you liked the way i looked too
and then we drove back to your car
and we parted
and you went back to wp
but as i thought about it
i knew i really liked you
and i wanted to see you again
and this was the first time of so many dates
that i wanted to see someone again
and i looked forward to the next week
and i told everyone about you
and my favorite saying was
\\\\\\\"what you see is what you get\\\\\\\"
and i really liked that about you
and i could see what kind of a person you were
and i wanted to get to know you better
so remembering that first date
will always make me smile
cause i knew from the outset
that we were meant to be

going to buffalo for the melissa concert
when you really didnt want to go
but you went anyway
for me
i had a lot of fun
dont know if you did
but i really appreciated you going
i didnt want to be going alone with 2 other couples
thank you for that
it makes me warm to know you did that for me
but it makes me sad
that you didnt get to enjoy the casino in niagara falls
because we couldnt find the poker room
and i was impatient
even after you went to buffalo for me
and that part does not make me smile,
but thinking of the concert and the fun we had
makes me smile
and remember

the christmas party at my school
we went to the party togehter
at the casino
i know you were so nervous
it was all new to you
but i was so proud to be there with you
i wanted everyone to know how proud i was
and how much in love i was
and how satisfied i was with my life
and we sat with friends
who tried to help you feel less stressed
but i really stressed you out
when i told you i wanted to slow dance
you went to the bathroom a few times
when a slow dance came on
trying to avoid dancing with me
but one time
you finally said ok
but you were sooo nervous
and you thought everyone was watching us
but i was so proud of you
so proud of us
so proud that we actually did it
we stood up for us
for all lesbians
for all women in love
and we survived it
even you did, no matter how nervous you were
and i thank you so much
for dancing with me that day
it changed my life
and i hope it changed yours
and gave you more confidence
in our love and our actions
and that is a special memory
that holds a special place
in my heart

being at the shop are some of my favorite memories
how i loved to come down and spend time at your shop
i was so proud of you for owning your own businesss
and i loved to be there with you
and i wanted to be a part of it
i tried hard to be a part of it
but i guess i never quite got it or fit in
but i loved it anyway
and my dream fantasy at that time
was that someday
i would be working there at the shop with you every day
and sharing all of that with you
that was what i had envisioned for the future
at that time
and thinking of your shop
and all the times there with you
learning the business, helping out, trying to be important
i smile when i see the shop in my head

the first time we went to bernie and lukes
i liked that you want me to meet them cause they were important in your life
i always felt special when we were there, we were two couples
i always wanted to have a house like they did to share with you
bernie tried to make things i would eat
it was fun watching tv with them
the time we went out to eat with them and you all 3 had prime rib but i wasnt ready to try it yet
wishing that we had gone to their place down in pa, never got to see it
they liked me
i liked that
they wanted us to make it
that was important
i miss going to their house
i have missed it since they moved
maybe someday see them again

going to auctions with you was so fun
i loved to meet you in syracuse for that auction
and i liked to travel with you to all the auctions you always went to
and meeting people you knew
and watching you bid
and being there for you
and learning all about auctions and antiques
i tried so hard to learn so that i could talk to you about them
spending weekends going to auctions
spending some weeknights at auctions
traveling with you
i can see so many of the auctions in my mind
and i smile when i see us at them

the very first night at 950
you wanted me to come there
so i did
and it was our first romantic encounter
and you later told me about me putting my hand on your leg
and i loved that you rubbed my back
i felt so romantic toward you
we got too much on the dance floor
but we really wanted each other
you werent going to come to my house
finally you decided to
all the way home in the car you were so romantic
and when we got here
the first time was beautiful
i wil always remember it
and remember thinking, wow, did you really say you arent used to doing this, sure didnt feel like it
and you seeing ryan in the living room and being shocked and embarrassed
loving having you here to sleep after we made love the first time
driving you back to 950 the next day to get your van
knowing we were meant to be after that first time
made plans for the next weekend, memorial day weekend at your place

memorial day weekend
first time at your place
so memorable
first time to see the shop
first time to see your apartment
first time to meet michelle and lori and your mom
i was overwhelmed
with anticipation
and awkwardness
and fear
but wanting more
and hoping this was the beginning of so much more
sleeping in your bed 3 nights in a row filled me with love
sharing your life for 4 days in a row, didnt want to go home
wanted to stay there forever
remembering that first weekend will always make me smile

going to niagara falls on our way back from toronto
i remember toronto
the concert
the bar
the glass floor
we had fun in toronto
but stopping in niagara falls for a couple days
totally unplanned
and so much fun
getting the room with the jacuzzi was so fun
seeing the falls with you
sitting by the falls when you told me finally
that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me
and that we would find a way
because nothing and no one in your life had ever meant
as much to you as i did
going on the maid of the mist
and the cave beneath the falls
those were so fun
mostly because they were with you
and we shared those experiences
even though you had been before
i hadnt
and i loved doing it with you
i can see us sitting in the park
with the falls in the background
when you told me you wanted to marry me
if we could ever get married
i will always remember that
and i see us in my mind
and my heart smiles
with how much we were in love then
and how the future looked so bright then
and how happy we were then

going to seven springs and being at that resort
it was so fun cause it was such a special place
it was so different than anywhere we had been
and we had all the time to spend with each other
without interruptions
it was beautiful
and that alpine slide lol, i wish i had been able to keep up with you
and the overhead ride was fun seeing the whole countryside
i loved our room
and the view
and the bed was awesome, best we have ever slept on
and at the concert you got me a blanket cause it was so cold, i felt
so loved by you
and the long ride there and back, seeing all the scenery, and going through those mountains whoa that was an experience
and we had hours just to talk
and to be with each other
and those are some of my favorite times
alone on a ride in the car talking and spending time together
i wish we had stopped at the flight 93 field, but we didnt know about it till we were on the way home, or i am sure we would have

i remember your apartment
and how much i loved it there
i wanted to stay there forever
it felt so warm
and so loving
and so accepting
and it has such a special place in my heart
we could be alone
and enjoy each other
and it was just us
i will always remember your apartment
as the place i fell in love with you
and felt my love for you grow
and felt your love for me grow
i loved coming there on the weekend
and you always cooked dinner for me
and it was so nice
and i felt so loved
and it was so perfect
being in your apartment
was one of the warmest places in my heart
and i will always smile
when i think of us there
in each others arms
loving each other
wanting each other
needing each other
the apartment brings such wonderful memories

one event that makes me smile and feel the love you had
was september 11, 2001
the world was afraid the world was confused
as was everyone in it
and you came here to be with me
you wanted to be with me
at that terrible frightening confusing time
and it made it a little better
and a little less scary
having you here with me
knowing you wanted to be with me
needed to be with me
we would be together as we faced what was happening
and i will forever be grateful that you came here to me
to help me
and protect me
and hold me and embrace me
as we watched the world change
and though the day was sad and terrible
and the days that followed were so uncertain
remembering that you wanted to be with me
and you came here to be with me and stay with me
you felt this is where you wanted and needed to be
with me
is a beautiful memory
and a comforting memory
and makes my heart glad
that i had you at that terrible time
and i didnt have to go through it alone
and i will always be grateful for you being here
this memory is a wonderful one

going down to jennys for thanksgiving in 2000
i was so happy
it felt so good to be accepted by your family
and to spend a family holiday with you and your family
and jenny giving us that room made me feel so special
and i loved the whole weekend with you
and i felt so wonderful as we went around the dining room table
and said what we were thankful for
and i was said i was thankful for you
and for your family accepting me
and that it felt so good and that i was so happy to have you in my life
it still makes me cry today to think of it and to remember how happy i was and how fantastic i felt
and then our drive all the way out the island
one of the most wonderful days of my life
i could have stayed in that moment forever and ever
driving and talking
stopping at the ocean and picking up the shells...i still have them...
and you finding me the heart shaped stones
my heart smiles with these memories
and stopping at the christmas shop
cause you know i love those kinds of shops
and i have the shell from there and the soft figurine to remind me
of that beautiful day
it just felt so right to be spending the holiday with your family and being accepted as your partner and the thanksgivings that i have been alone since then i think of that thanksgiving when we were so much in love and i smile for the way it makes me feel

i remember how much i loved living with you the short time that you were living here
going to sleep with you every night
waking with you every morning
cuddling and snuggling with you all night
just doing all the things that couples do
when they live together
and feeling so happy
when we were looking at houses
loving to look at houses with you
as we decided
which one we were going to buy
so it would be \\\\\\\"ours\\\\\\\"
not yours, or mine, but \\\\\\\'ours\\\\\\\'
and anticipating
what our life was going to be like
when we lived in our own house
and waiting for the day
when we would be married
and living in our home
and knowing
that even afterward
someday
years down the road
we would be moving to wp
and maybe buying a house there
and using the rome one for income
and knowing that our future was set
and just loving it
and loving you
and so much looking forward to \\\\\\\'happily ever after\\\\\\\'


ok a few short memories

meeting you at the bottom of the hill on my first trip to wp and seeing you there waiting for me

the first time we went to the movies and i reached for your hand during the scary part of the movie and i felt the electricity when i touched your hand and i knew this was so right

meeting your sons for the first time at your apartment and i was trying to be so cool and you kept putting your leg next to mine and i wasnt sure how to react and what to do

going for a ride on that hill in wp where you were showing me how beautiful the leaves were there in the fall, wanting to share that beautiful place with me knowing how much i love fall

the first day i met you and you got out of the van and you took your cigarettes out of the van with you and i went \\\\\\\'\\\\\\\"yes!\\\\\\\" to myself

the melissa concert in canadaigua where you got us tickets for the seats, and not the lawn, cause you knew i wanted to be in the seats, and you got the most wonderful seats cause it was right where melissa walked and i got to hold hands with her and it is a great memory for me and i will always remember that you got those seats for me

the day that we were talking about the music fest or travs all star game, and you asked me which one i would rather do, and i hesitated but said travs game, and then i asked you and you said...travs game...it felt so right, i loved you so much at that moment, and i was so glad you were mine, and it is just such a happy memory

you going to all the baseball games with me and really enjoying them, and seeming to actually want to be there , and going to travs practices and sitting in the car and talking, just you and me, and really enjoying talking to each other without interruptions

taking rachel to college, loading up your van with all her stuff, and spending the day driving there, unloading, spending a while with her, and then driving back, it felt so right and so perfect to be sharing that with my partner and enjoying the parenting things

buying my rav and having you there to help me get the best deal and knowing that you wanted to do that for me, and then 3 days later driving down in my new truck to go to simmons rockwell with you to pick up your new van and then driving back to wp and we both had brand new vehicles and life was good

running my fingers through your hair, while you were driving, or while we were sitting on the couch, or laying in bed, i can feel your hair, i loved to do that, and i knew you loved it too, and i always wanted to have my hands in your hair, twisting, curling, playing with it

one thing that makes me smile is you getting me my easy pass to make driving easier, something i probably would never have done, but every time i get to go through easy pass, i think of you and smile and know you did that for me because you cared about me

the first easter at willett when i was going outside and you kissed me without even thinking when all your family was around and then you got nervous but no one even seemed to notice or care and it was so awesome

sitting out on my porch with you and all the things we did out there and we were so much in love and it was so fun and we didnt care what anyone else saw or thought and it was fun and exciting and it makes me smile and blush whenever i think of it

christmas shopping with you when we went to the mall, and as much as you hate shopping you said you had fun cause it was with me, and we shopped but we stopped and ate, and we stopped for coffee, and we made it a fun day and i will always smile when i think of you saying that it wasnt that bad since it was a fun day with me

christmas morning at my house, opening presents with everyone, and loving that you were part of my family, and that everyone in my family loved and accepted you, and you became a step mother to them, and they loved having you become part of the family, and enjoying the holiday meal here, and then going to wp and having christmas with your kids too, and i so wanted to feel like part of your family and hoped that someday i would, christmas memories make me smile

going to the casino with you and spending the time playing keno and drinking coffee and just enjoying your company....those are some of the best times to remember, we had such fun just being with each other and doing nothing at all...we lost but we didnt care we had fun and we had each other

the time we went to sylvan beach and walked along the beach and i wanted to hold your hand and you were so nervous, and we walked by your cousins? camp and it was so sweet and romantic just walking along the sand and you were so new to being a lesbian and so nervous.....

looking for houses to buy with you cause i was so happy that we were going to be living together in our own house and our future looked so bright and wonderful

the day that you won your first poker tournament at the casino, i was so happy for you and so proud of you and so proud to be your girlfriend...

although it is sad, i remember being with you when you dad died and being there to hold your hand and hold you and just be there for you so that you had someone to take care of you, and then the day that you had the party for your dad and i was there when they spread your dads ashes and could be there for you and be a part of your families sorrow

sleeping with you on the single bed in the dining room when you were taking care of your dad, and the morning that gary and margaret got there and we were still both sleeping in the bed, and it didnt phase you at all

and being there for andys wedding....it felt so good to be a part of your life and your sons life... and the happy family events in your life

and you wanting me to be at lewis wedding, that no matter what you still had me come to family events and that maybe, just maybe, i would still be a member of your family in the future

i remember when you took me to the hospital to see liz when trevor was born, it was one of the first times i was with your family and i was so nervous but i was happy to be included in the events of your family

going to the derby...the first time i wasnt quite sure what to expect, and it was so dirty, and i didnt know some of your family and i was kinda uncomfortable but it was so fun to be included with your family and when liz talked to me i felt accepted, and it was fun to watch you so proud of your son, i love to see that pride in you for your sons, it makes me beam with love for you, and then the next couple derbys that i got to see too, i wanted to and enjoyed doing those things with you that were part of your families history

stopping at the fall festival at cortland on the way to rome and looking around for it and following the hay wagon to see where it is, and having a little time to look around before it ended and it began to rain, but it was fun, and it was special, and i really enjoyed it

going to the first christmas at lindas house, i finally almost felt like a part of your family, and the second one at bud and lizz house, it was nice to see jenny there, i liked being a part of your family events and i so much wanted to feel like part of your family

even though it was a lot of driving, one thing that always makes me smile is when we would go back and forth from wp to rome, or vice versa, for various family events, i liked riding that hour and a half and having you to myself, and then going to a family event at either place, and then driving another hour and a half with you and having you all to myself again

watching giants games with you, even though i was not into football it was special and memorable because it was something that was so important to you and i wanted to please you and be a part of everything that was important to you, and sometimes falling asleep during the game laying on your lap but it was awesome because i could sleep on your lap

the week before the super bowl that the vikings played the giants and we watched it at the apartment and trav was so upset that the vikings lost so bad and you were so happy for the giants but you were trying not to be ecstatic cause you knew how upset he was and it filled me with love and with pride that you would do that

having you go with me every time i had to go to the drs for something, i loved it, i felt cared for and loved and protected, and i felt so special having you go with me, and i always wanted to go to your drs appointments in binghamton with you but you never really wanted me to go, i got to go once but i had to wait in the office for you, but i did get to go with you a few times when you went to the drs here in rome

the one time we went to urgent care cause you had a yeast infection, and we both had thrush, and made the dr blush and get all flustered

any time that we were in the car, driving, whether we were going somewhere, or just riding around, cause we had time to talk, and it was just us..you and me...no interruptions, no one bothering us, no one else...we could talk, play (remember playing like that in the van...the trucks going by ) and just be with each other, being in the car, or van, or truck with you was always one of my favorite times

riding around and looking at fall leaves, and looking for festivals, and checking online for festivals cause you know fall is my favorite time of year and you always wanted to take me and show me leaves wherever we could and to stop at any festivals that we could find

going to common ground the first new years with bernie and luke and being able to spend the first new years in our lives together, and with the snow and the bad weather, we still made it ok, and it was so fun sittng in the back of their car and being able to kiss and hold hands

i will always remember the times when we were staying in the shop at night after you sold the shop and we would just spend all of our time there, in the office, and then sleeping in your bed in the shop, it was an experience, i love having so many new experiences with you all the time, and i think it was so cool that we could \\\\\\\'live\\\\\\\' in the shop for a while

the time we went to wp for 4th of july, and then when we were driving back to rome, we saw all the fireworks all the way up 81. it was so cool just going by all the little towns up 81 and seeing all their fireworks, made that a very special memorable 4th of july

watching the l word with you, and wishing that i could watch it with you every week, and wanting you to come up here each sunday to watch it with me

watching survivor with you and even when we couldnt be together to watch, we would talk on the computer and on the phone and be watching it together anyway

talking with you for hours on the phone, especially in the beginning, and your phone bill was so high, so we had to change how we talked, but it was so wonderful to talk to you for hours and hours and i loved falling asleep right after we hung up, i wanted you here, but at least i could talk to you till i fell asleep

getting our cell phones so now we could talk all the time and you bought the phones as a gift and we had matching phones and i loved you for all the wonderful things you did for me

and i will always rememeber the cruise..the first time for either of us, i think despite some of our difficulties we did have a good time and it was a wonderful experience, and i am so glad that i got to experiece my first cruise with you

these are some of my favorite memories
what i remember right now
i might add to it
but for now
these are the memories that make me smile
that bring a smile to my heart and my lips
that will remain in my heart forever
memories can be beautiful
as we remember the good times
the fun times
the special times
in our lives